访谈录 2008-03-10&-3-12, 女人为什么会撒谎 II

Most women do it deliberately 1. They think about it.

Were you? You interviewed. I guess you put it on your crisis list. Right ? You ask women to contact. How many? 500?

I interviewed 500. I actually had more women than that who answered the ad. They were from across the country, different ages; social strata 2; ethnicity and they all started the interview by saying to me: “Yes, I lie in some way. I feel I have to. ” 

And they all? They lie about everything from sex to marriage to work to finances, everything across the board. I heard a woman who talked about shop lifting with her kids. Tell me about that.

That was a disturbing story. This was a young woman who had young children. And she thought if she got caught she could account for it. So she said she would put them in a cart. She would take them and she would steal a small thing and she thought if they stop her she would say: “ Well,  it was such a hectic 3 day and I have my children with me.” That’s an acceptable lie when you think you can explain it that way.

So , Argie when you start thinking going down that path, it would be very very dangerous. You say what you need to do is get to the root of the problem. The root problem? Is it the secret or the lie or?

The root problem is the secret, not necessarily the lie. The lie is the behavior. Many people just like Susan said were trained to lie. And most people you say. You know how many people have never lied? If they tell you they’ve never lied, that’s lying because most people had lied about something. So get to the root of the problem which is the secret and why they are puncturing 4 a lie. And it might be their mother or their father or brother you know what don’t hurt their feelings, or every woman has to have their mad buddy 5. And really in all reality they are puncturing the platform of the lie. But really it’s the secret and secret keeping. That’s not good for us.

And it can actually affect our health.

Yeah, absolutely. When you think about it, holding a lie like perhaps maybe you are having an affair or the lie you are mismanaging the money. That can have a problem physically 6 emotionally spiritually and if you are holding those big secrets then you’re moving away from your own truth.

But all women kept so good at the lie and that they just layer the lie. You have to really face it and says it really isn’t helping 7 anymore. It’s harming me. It’s harming someone close to me.

But when you have so many layers, it’s awfully 8 hard to peel them back and can finally reveal the truth. Because your whole life is living

That’s the problem. And that’s a lie once a neighbor is doing now. I interviewed a woman whose brother is a drug-addict. So she gave him the money and her mother gave him money. But finally they had to face that he needed help and they weren’t helping him. And that the family secret has to be let out.

And before we go, I mean man lie, too. That’s the. Right about that.

Not just women.

They are not as good as women.

Women will think about it necessarily through, but my thing is tell somebody about it. Especially if it’s a deep dark secret, it’s gonna let that go because otherwise that’s gonna hold on to you. And it all affects the rest of your relationship.

At least tell one person. Alright, Argie, thank you very much. Susan as well.