访谈录 Interview 2007-07-02&07-04, 爱让我们永远年轻

Maybe it's even, greater. I love all these, Pepper Schwartz is a sociologist 1 and author of "Prime 2: adventures and advice on sex, love and the sensual years". Pepper, good morning to you. Now this book is extremely personal, you were married for 23 years and you've recently divorced 3. How did you feel about kind of putting all of your personal business into, into a book?

Well, it was hard, I mean, to make a decision. Once you made the decision, you know, you go, move ahead. But I felt as an educator, I teach at the University of Washington, that sometimes the best education is personal, your life, the ups, the downs, the heartbreaks, the triumphs 4. And then get some lessons from it.

So was it tough, I mean how did you start off, getting back into the dating world, after 23 years of being married. What's the first thing you did?

Well, I tried to lose weight, that's the first thing I did. But the second thing was just to get my mind in shape, just say ok, I really want to find somebody, if you say what your goals are, if you are gonna get there. Then I went online, I was actually already a relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com. But I had never done it myself. So I had to go.

So what's it to go online?

Well, you know, you have to kind of prepare your ego 5. Not everybody is gonna want you, not everybody is going to meet you and say oh, you are great. They are gonna say nothing. I'm going. So, you have to deal with that.

I love how you said you... I love how you said how you met a guy online who made,"animalized noises during conversation", and then you sort of met this tattoo-clad French guy. But what I love about you is you didn't just go plug your nose and say, Oh, that was horrible. You take little lessons away from these dates.

Oh, absolutely, I, at the end of every chapter, I say, here is what I learned 6 out of the lesson; here is what you can too. I think, I think like an anthropologist 7, I am out in the world, learning 8 things I wouldn't normally 9 learn. There is nothing I can't be educated by. And I don't even have to take this as, oh, gosh, another bad date. Because that's what a lot of women do, they say ok, there are three bad dates, it's over, I am not going there, I am done. No, you have to be able to be resilient, and look at it as education and you will find someone if you take, if you keep at it. Look.

Now, the woman, I love this, the woman in the peace would say that sex is better after fifty. Is it better after fifty?

Better for me. And it was always really good, so you know the question is are you more relaxed, can you ask for what you want, are you gonna take a little bit more time at it, do you sometimes say "hey, this doesn't have to be the most sacred act in the world." That can be kind of, like a sandwich, I describe it that way sometimes, you don't love the sandwich, you don't, hate the sandwich, you just want to eat the sandwich. So yes, it can be great, and more fulfilling 10 and just more fun.

And you said that women should rethink some of the big no-nos they say in their life. Let me just list some of them. I will not travel out of town to meet someone I don't know well, I wouldn't let someone I had only met briefly 11 or online travel significant 12 distance to see me. I would never date someone significantly 13 older or younger than me. I don't like partners significantly taller or shorter than me. I am not gonna approach someone who I think is attractive in an airport, restaurant or on the street. You said it's time to rethink that whole list, why not stick to those standards and say I'm not going to do those things?

Well, if you stick to those standards, you will be very, very lonely. Because there are just too many nos. I say why not. Particularly when you are over fifty or I don't know, any age, you say, let's start...you know, even so you had so much success of what I thought I want it. Why don't I take a look at the whole broad out there? And see what I can learn from it. Your question should be why not. It is supposed no-never. I try to get rid of never, period.

What kind of guys are looking for women in their fifties? Coz you always hear about these guys looking for these young 20 somethings or 30 somethings, who is looking for a woman in her forties or fifties?

Lots of men, thousands of men. Everybody says there is no good man. That's just simply not true. That's one way of saying I don't want to put myself out there. There are CEOs, there is professional athletes. They are just great guys, ordinary guys with good hearts, good character. Why would people be on the net worse than they are out there in everyday life. In fact, they are better. Because at least, at our side, many many of the others, they are looking for relationships. And I believe that when you are old, older, somebody wants a companion not a hookup.

Oh, Pepper, I gotta say, of all your books, this one is definitely 14 the juiciest. It's all about, it's all about Pepper. Again, thank you so much. We appreciate you being on the show.