自考英语综合二上册课文 lesson 5

　　[00:00.00]Lesson Five Text

[00:04.88]Are You Giving Your Kids Too Much?

[00:09.53]Benjamin Spock

[00:13.19]While traveling for various speaking engagements,

[00:18.83]I frequently stay overnight in the home of a family

[00:23.67]and am assigned to one of the children's bedrooms.

[00:29.10]In it,I often find so many playthings

[00:33.54]that there's almost no room for my small toilet kit 1.

[00:39.00]And the closet is usually so tightly packed with clothes

[00:46.26]that I can barely squeeze in my jacket.

[00:50.52]I'm not complaining, only making a point.

[00:55.88]I think that the tendency to give children an overabundance of toys and clothes

[01:04.63]is quite common in American families,

[01:09.20]and I think that in far too many families

[01:14.84]not only do children come to take their parents' generosity 2 for granted,

[01:20.72]but also the effects of this can actually be somewhat harmful to children.

[01:27.88]Of course,I'm not only thinking of the material possessions children are given.

[01:36.03]Children can also be overindulged with too many privileges

[01:41.90]— for example,when parents send a child to an expensive summer camp

[01:48.85]that the parents can't really afford.

[01:52.82]Why parents give their children too much,

[01:57.86]or give things they can't afford?

[02:01.42]I believe there are several reasons.

[02:05.78]One fairly common reason

[02:10.04]is that parents overindulge their children out of a sense of guilt 3.

[02:16.10]Parents who both hold down full-time 4 jobs

[02:20.67]may feel guilty about the amount of time they spend away from their children

[02:27.02]and may attempt to compensate 5 by showering them with material possessions.

[02:34.28]Other parents overindulge because they want their children to have everything they had while growing up,

[02:43.24]along with those things the parents yearned 6 for but didn't get.

[02:48.70]Still others are afraid to say no to their children's endless requests for toys

[02:56.14]for fear that their children will feel unloved or will be ridiculed 7

[03:03.69]if they don't have the same playthings their friends have.

[03:08.55]Overindulgence of a child also happens

[03:13.83]when parentsare unable to stand up to their children's unreasonable 8 demands.

[03:20.28]Such parents vacillate between saying no and giving in

[03:27.33]—but neither response seems satisfactory to them.

[03:32.79]If they refuse a request,

[03:36.63]they immediately feel a wave of remorse 9

[03:40.68]for having been so strict or ungenerous.

[03:45.44]If they give in, they feel regret and resentment 10 over having been a pushover.

[03:53.69]This kind of vacillation 11 not only impairs 12 the parents' ability to set limits,

[04:02.44]it also sours the parent-child relationship to some degree,

[04:08.50]robbing parents and their children of some of the happiness and mutual 13 respect

[04:16.68]that should be present in healthy families.

[04:21.43]But overindulging children with material things

[04:27.49]does little to lessen 14 parental 15 guilt

[04:31.62](since parents never feel that they've given enough),

[04:36.17]nor does it make children feel more loved

[04:40.24](for what children really crave 16 is parents' time and attention).

[04:46.41]Instead,the effects of overindulgence can be harmful.

[04:52.47]Children may, to some degree, become greedy,self-centered,

[04:58.63]ungratefuland insensitive to the needs and feelings of others,

[05:03.49]beginning with their parents.

[05:06.73]When children are given too much,

[05:11.12]it undermines their respect for their parents.

[05:15.48]In fact,

[05:18.12]the children begin to sense that a parent's unlimited 17 generosity is not right

[05:24.49]The paradoxical result may be that these children will push furher,

[05:31.62]unconsciously hoping that,

[05:35.26]if they push too hard,they will force their parents into setting limits.

[05:41.60]Also,overindulged children

[05:47.25]are not as challenged as children with fewer playthings

[05:53.20]to be more creative in their play.

[05:57.46]They have fewer opportunities to learn the value of money,

　　[06:02.92]and have less experience in learning to deal with a delay in gratification,

[06:10.29]if every requested object is given on demand.

[06:15.46]The real purpose of this discussion is not to tell parents how much

[06:21.94]or how little to give to their children.

[06:26.80]Rather,my intent is to help those parents who have already sensed

[06:33.85]that they might be overindulging their children but don't know how to stop.

[06:39.62]Parents who are fortunate enough not to have a problem with feelings of guilt

[06:45.37]don't need to respond crossly to their children

[06:50.33]when denying a specific request

[06:54.38]which is thought to be unreasonable.

[06:58.04]They can explain, cheerfully,that it's too expensive

[07:04.41]—except perhaps as a birthday or holiday gift

[07:09.17]—or that the child will have to contribute to its purchase from an allowance

[07:16.53]or from the earnings 18 of an outside job.

[07:21.29]It's the cheerfulness and lack of hesitation 19

[07:26.93]that impress upon the child that parents mean what they say.

[07:32.39]A cross response signals that the parents are in inner conflict.

[07:38.87]In fact,I'll make a rash statement that I believe is true,by and large:

[07:45.63]Children will abide 20 by what their siricerely believe is right.

[07:52.29]They only begin arguing and pes-iring when they detect uncertainty 21 or guilt,

[07:59.66]and sense that their parents can be pushed to give them what they want,

[08:05.41]if they just keep at fit.

[08:08.57]But the truth is that a child really wants parents to be in control

[08:14.73]—even if it means saying no to a request

[08:19.70]and to act with conviction in a kind and loving fashion.

[08:26.85]But, you may answer,

[08:30.09]I often am uncertain about whether to give in to many of my children's requests.

[08:36.86]That doesn't mean you can't change.

[08:41.30]First you should try to determine what makes you submissive or guilty.

[08:49.06]Then, even if you haven't uncovered the reason,

[08:54.52]you should begin to make firm decisions and practice

[09:00.16]responding to your children's requests in a prompt,definite manner.

[09:06.40]Once you turn over a new leaf,

[09:11.39]you can't expect to change completely right away.

[09:16.12]You are bound to vacillate at times.

[09:20.69]The key is to be satisfied with gradual improvement,

[09:26.75]expecting and accepting the occasional slips that come with any change.

[09:34.80]And even after you are handling these decisions in a firmer

[09:40.26]and more confident manner,

[09:44.02]you can't expect your children to respond immediately

[09:48.98]For a while they'll keep on applying the old pressures that used to work so well.

[09:56.72]But they'll eventually come to respect your decisions

[10:02.15]once they learn that nagging 22 and arguing no longer work.

[10:08.39]In the end, both you and your children will be happier for it.