多功能英语阅读33 The Best Practical Joke I Ever Saw

　　The Best Practical Joke I Ever Saw

I've never been much for playing practical jokes on people, nor have Ibeen on the receiving end very often. The biggest practical joke Iever played on anyone was on April Fools Day ... I had our secretaryleave a phone message for a co worker for him to call Myra Mains, and Ileft a phone number. The number was to one of our local funeral homes.

Think about it.

Far and away, though, the best practical joke I've ever seen played onanybody was unleashed 1 on me – and to this day, I don't know who it was.

My 40th birthday was on a Saturday, and, while I anticipated thepossibility of some sort of surprise, the one I received was so good Iwas honored to be its recipient 2.

On the Tuesday before my birthday, I received a letter from Playboymagazine thanking me for my subscription 3, and, as soon as I sent themmy check for $58, they'd be happy to mail me the first issue. Iassumed this was just a marketing 4 ploy 5 and threw the letter out.

The next day I received a large packet of literature from a bank inNorth Carolina, showing me all of their retirement 6 and investmentoptions. I still didn't see the pattern going here, so I also threwthis package away.

Thursday's mail brought a very official snap off letter addressed fromsome branch of the federal government ... you know the type - you haveto tear off both ends before opening. When I opened it, I discoveredthat it was actually for my family ... explaining to them the benefitsthey would receive upon my death. Now I knew something fishy 7 was goingon.

The day before my birthday brought a package from an investment firmshowing me, among other things, ways that I could retire in ten years.

This was getting interesting.

Saturday, my 40th birthday, came. By now, not only was I anticipatingthe delights of a birthday, I was anxious for the mail to come and seewhat my practical joke bandit sent.

I should say that, once I figured out that I was being had, I toldeverybody I knew about it. It was a good joke, and I wanted whoeverwas responsible to know that ... and, I kinda wanted them to fess up.

The mail came ... only this time the front screen door was opened andshut – meaning the postman had left a package too big to fit in themailbox. Oh, goody! A present!

Opening the door and expecting to find a gift, I was surprised to find alarge, clear plastic covered, cardboard treasure chest ... 12” by 16”

and 4” deep. It weighed 10 pounds. Upon opening, I discovered thetreasure chest filled to the brim with color glossy 8 advertisements fora retirement village in Florida. The package also included a videotape extolling 9 the virtues 10 of the village.

The practical joke bandit struck again ... this time with a vengeance 11.

And then ... nothing happened. I told everybody I knew about the jokeplayed on me, and no one admitted being the bandit.

If I had played a joke this good on someone, I'd be bragging 12 about itfor years.

I decided 13 to do a little detective work. I called Playboy magazine andtold them the story. I asked them if they had a copy of a subscriptionapplication ... a card or a letter that someone would have sent in.

Turns out they did. They mailed it to me. I opened the envelope andthere was a small, square card, the kind you pull out of a magazine,fill out and mail in. In large block letters was my name and address.

Very neat printing ... and quite impossible to recognize.

So, I was had.

A few years later, I got another package from that retirement village inFlorida. It seems that every few years they send additional literatureout to everyone on their mailing list. I called them up and explainedto them that, at the time, I had been a victim of a practical joke; Ihadn't really requested any literature from them, and they didn't haveto waste it on me since I was still in my early 40s. I was asked “doyou plan on retiring some day?"Of course, I said yes, so I was toldthat they'd like to keep me on their mailing list and provide me withtheir that information.

So, every few years I receive a package that reminds me that I was thebutt of the best practical joke I ever saw, and I still don't know whoit was.